Published on June 9, 2005 By Death_By_Beebles In Poetry
It was the last time.
Perhaps the best time.
The best time for me to talk to you.

But I didn't. I didn't feel the need to.
You broke me down so many times,
that talking to you didn't make much sense.

Trying to make me mad was laughable.
I saw that you only held his hand when I was around.


I've taken what life has given me,
all the ups and downs and in-betweens.
And I found out that love,
isn't as reclusive as you make it seem.

There are people who care about the real me,
the real person I am.
Strange isn't it that people,
would love me for who I am.


So when you think about me,
in all these years to come,
I hope you think about me,
not the person you made out of bad dreams.

That person only exists in your bad dreams now,
but he once existed.


Because one way or the other,
I am who I am.
And one way or the other,
you are who you are.

There is no person like the image you made for me,
because he died when I let go of the pain,
and began to pray again.


Peace,

Beebes

Comments
on Jun 09, 2005
pow!! this one hit me right inna gut...in a good/bad way.. feelings all kinds of feelings this kicked up, made me feel more alive today.
on Jun 09, 2005
all kinds of feelings this kicked up, made me feel more alive today.


I'm glad that it moved you, and made you feel alive. And thanks for stopping by!

Peace,

Beebes
on Jun 10, 2005
It took me this long to realize
That I only loved the wrong people,
for all the right reasons.

Why would I try to make you angry?
Why would I even care if you were there?
I held his hand, for all the right reasons
He cares about me, more than you ever did.

I found out what love was,
And I never felt it with you
I've felt love so many times
But I know I felt lust with you

Talking out problems never made sense to you,
So why would you want to talk again?

You are the person in my nightmares.
You are that person with the image you made.

And why would I think about you in the future anyway?

So really, this who you are?
The person you've been for 5 months
That is who you are?

If it is the real you, I am glad I will never see you again
And I am also proud to say to the "real you"
I am glad we never left as friends.

So, if you ever come back
And you are the old person I used to know
Then maybe we can talk again
And let our friendship grow.


It took one more broken heart to know real friends and real love. I am in love again... and have been for quite some time.

And to bring up another topic, people have been asking me over the course of three months if I still loved you... well, no. I lost all feelings for you the day we got back from Florida... and I haven't thought about you like that since.

This is really pathetic... I want everyone to know that I do not fall into the "He is my ex-boyfriend, I have to hate him" type of theory. Alan and I are still friends... I even talked to him about coming to a few of the band practices this summer if he had time. Alan always tried to be my friend, and he always offered to be there... even when I hated him, he still was there. He never hurt me on purpose... and he never did anything to spite me or "teach me a lesson". I can admit that for a while I had a grudge against him... but, that is over, and has been. I don't hate ex-boyfriends... I just don't like some personalities.

Delete this Alex... I know you will. Which, that's really easy for you... to just delete or ignore everything I say.

~Samantha
on Jun 10, 2005
I won't delete it. It serves as a reminder of these past few months and the mistakes we both have made.

Still, I see you scowl at me every time I look at you. And now, finally, I'm ok with that.

I wish you the best of luck with your new love. I hope that you find some measure of happiness in him.



on Jun 10, 2005
I (and I am sure many more) am very proud of you. You have stepped above (and I mean "above") all of the immaturity and drama that you have been dragged into by others. Well, finally, it seems that it may be passed now that you refuse to let "things" in your past drag you down. So relish in the fact that you don't have to deal with this anymore, and be happy with the people who really do love you, and always have.
on Jun 10, 2005
Hmm....kind of sums up the lessons you've been learning through this time.

Nice, especially since I know the whole backstory.

~Zoo
on Jun 10, 2005
Maybe I shouldn't get into this....but I'm going to anyways because anyone in here who dislikes me now probably can't dislike me anymore than they already do.

He never hurt me on purpose


Umm.....didn't he cheat on you? I mean....you just can't kiss another girl on accident can you? Alan cheated on you and you're going to say that it wasn't on purpose? I don't understand.

~carebear~
on Jun 10, 2005
Alan did not hurt me to the extent that Alex has... besides... I still question whether Alex did cheat on me or not. I mean, things are starting to add up once I think about it now.

Alex, you seemed ok with me "scowling" at you before... you never even cared to ask what was wrong, so aparantly, you didn't care at all.

Besides, you never have to see me again... and I never have to see you again. You will never see me "scowl", or however the hell you think I look at you, again.

Was there ever a reason for me not to be angry anyway?

Samantha