I've, with a little poking and prodding, decided that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that I am going to be happy. If that means I have to loose some friends, then I'm sorry it came down to it, but I want to have a good senior year, and I'm not having a good one right now. I can't be happy without thinking about the past, and I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want reconciliation, I just want peace.
I've decided to look for the motives in people's actions like I used to. It's a cynical view, but in this case, I'd rather be jaded than naive. I want to know that my friends have their hearts centered on the thing that is most important to me; my faith. You can say that you are what you are, but if you are going to be a hypocrite about what you say, then why bother wasting time with you? It's harsh, but I'm looking for people that truly care about me and truly love me for the right reasons. I don't need backstabbing or hypocrites. I'm not going to put up with it.
For all my friends from the AC Group: I want you to know that I still care deeply about all of you. I still want to be there for all of you, and I want to enjoy your presence, and the ways you make me smile and laugh. I just don't want any of the drama to drag me back down, and I don't want my friends vying for a position and patting each other's backs with knives in their hands. It's not worth the trouble it creates. You have to want to love me, and want to put aside your differences if you want to be my friend. It's going to be hard, and you might not always do it right, but I want peace again. It does exist, I just haven't been looking in the right places.
This sounds like a broken record: But I'm breaking into this new start I've been promising myself for a while. I'm pressing on with a different goal, and a stronger faith.
Peace,
Beebes